Concert Etiquette

Hello my friends. I come to you this evening to discuss a couple things. Both topics are spurred by the music events I attended this weekend. I witnessed incredible violations of concert etiquette and experienced some horrendous musical theater cliché. Lets start though with the etiquette. Here are my rules for concerts:

1. Respect the Performer
2. Respect the Performance
3. Know the rules of the performance - e.g. if it is a classical concert, do not clap between movements, clap for the concert master, conductor, and solist everytime they enter the stage.

This past weekend, me and a lovely friend of mine attended a performance of the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra, conducted by Yan Pascal Tortelier. The group performed the "Armenian Suite" by Richard Yardumian, Piano Concerto no. 1 by Sergei Prokofiev with Yuja Wang on piano, and closed with "Symphonie Fantastique by Hector Berlioz.

The BSO has matured quite a bit under the new directorship with Marin Alsop. The performed all three pieces with intensity and precision. They presented a concert of such passions that it made you have to move. A man a few rows in front of me was getting into the concert and was doing some small conducting of his own in his seat. This is not unusual especially at a concwert with such rhythmic and all out primal feels such as the Armenian Suite and Piano Concerto (Soloist at one point got so into it she pulled a Jerry Lee Lewis and stood while playing for a bar or two). The man in the seat between me and armchair conductor is getting ore and more agitated for some reason. You must understand that the guys seat was not rocking and hitting his legs, his arms weren't blocking a view and he wasn't making any noise doing this. When the concert finally ended and everyone jumped to their feet to give the group and its conductor a standing ovation, especially the percussionists who were incredible, the man directly in front of me, grabs his wife by the arm, gets in the enthusiast's face and says "He's the conductor not you, and now you know for the next time". He then proceeded to storm out of the hall, not giving the orchestra his respect. Never mind that this is taking place 4 rows from the stage, on the side where the conductor enters. The conductor made multiple nods down to us and could clearly see the scene. I was furious, I was embarrassed for music lover in me. The upset man simply didn't get the passion of romantic music. In his own maneuver to punish a man loving music in demand of having a concert the way he wants, he forgot the key thing that its about the performer and the listener and nothing else. This man was not listening and experiencing the music and in that he disrespected the performer, which violates the first rule and second rule. I had to tell the faux conductor that I appreciate his passion and that you have to let it out. He was so friendly we practically made a new friend on the way out of the concert, with him and his daughter. We walked out together and the jerk was forgotten. The group performed so well and its sad it had such a bad audience. I heard at least 10 cell phones ring and there was a woman two rows back that I swear had tuberculosis. It was gross and rude, and she never excused herself. I could only imagine the level of embarrassment her guests had.

If you've ever been to a classical concert with a soft section you know that coughing spreads like a plague. People have no control or concept that everything in the hall projects and your cough is as loud as a trumpet to someone concentrating. I don't understand why you would come to something like that sick. Also these coughs are normally just throat clears done without covering the mouth or muffling in anyway and its just gross and distracting. COUGHERS OF THE WORLD, HEAR ME NOW WHEN I SAY GET A HALLS, A COUGH DROP AND GET UP AND LEAVE THE HALL UNTIL YOUR THROAT IS CLEAR. Stop punishing us who can control ourselves.

Now that my rant is done, I must bid this post farewell. Thank you for reading, let your meter be simple and cadences be perfect.